The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

I have been going to deer camp for the past 15 years and each year something new happens.  More often than not, more beer gets drank than deer get shot but its not always about success but the laughs and friendships made.  What happens at deer camp usually stays at deer camp but I have to share this one.  I still don’t believe it myself.

Deer camp consists of going to my buddy Ralph’s place. He has a 100 acre homestead that was given to him by his grandmother when she passed on. On it, sits a nice old farmhouse that is roughly 40 years old. Its got the basics that a group of 8 or so guys need.  Beds, kitchen, bathroom and a card table to pass the bull and share stories of work, women, deer, & jokes. 

Now this year’s deer camp had a new visitor. He was a friend of Ralph’s and seemed to be a very likable guy. Then again at deer camp, all the guys get along and take in whatever straggler who wants to be part of it. The only requirement, you do your fair share of the cooking and know what areas of the land you can venture out too and this is purely on the sake of safety.

Now after the day’s hunts Ralph and the rest of us would wander into town to the local watering holes. The parking lots would be filled with cars and during deer season most if not all were out of towners trying to see what the nightlife gave off and maybe hunt deer of the two legged kind. This is a two town bar and as soon as you enter one of them, all eyes focus on you until you sit down and the waitress takes your order. So when 8 of us roll in, we’re lucky to even find a table.

So this takes me back to the new guy Ralph brought to camp this year. As we enter the bar he buys the first round and right away you sense this guy is alright. Within minutes of getting our drinks he meets the bartender and finds out her story. This guy is smooth, very smooth. So after a little while we decide to go to the other bar in this town. A whole 100 yards down the street. The new guy in our group decides to stay at the current bar as he and the bartender are making small talk. As we leave some in our group questions whether he will be coming home with us tonight or going to the bartender’s home. Hard to say as the night is still young but I bet he’s coming back with us!

As we go to the other bar we get the same reaction when we walk in. All eyes draw to the city boys coming up to their area for hunting. Within minutes though they are back to nursing their beers and we are yesterday’s news. As we chat about the days hunt and what tomorrow brings we realize its getting kinda late. Now myself I am not much of a drinker. I came for the hunting but with this group that appeared to be hunting for Wild Turkey on this night. I didn’t have an issue with it as the group is pretty civil even when they are drinking.  I just try to keep them from making fools of themselves.

So after spending 2 hours at this other bar we realize Ralph’s friend still hasn’t come over to this bar and must be over at the other one. The group decides that we should go find him. As we walk back into that first bar we get that same initial reaction. As the door swings open all the locals look our way and we try to find a table and our buddy. Well at this time the place is full, its standing room only for us. We find Ralph’s buddy who is still mingling with the bartender and has made a few new friends and now understands what winter wheat and what an International Harvestor is.

We can tell its time to go as his speech is slurred a little and we know if he’s going to make the 5AM breakfast call he needs to go to bed soon. As he stumbles out of that bar he wishes everyone a good night and the group is headed back to deer camp.

Now from this point it seems like everyone would be ready to find their beds and crash for the night. I call it night when in reality its 2AM and in 3 hours its time to get up. This will separate the men from the boys. Ralph’s friend decides though he wants some food and makes himself a late night snack in the kitchen.  So after his snack he crashes in his bedroom.

Myself, I am on the sofa in the living room. That has been my official spot for about 5 years now and I like it because I usually fall to sleep with ESPN on. Well as I settle in most of the gang has found their beds or sleeping bags laying on the living room floow and its lights out for all except for the TV being on. A long days hunt will wear you out so within minutes of your head hitting that pillow your out.

For some odd reason I heard something in my sleep. The sound of a stream of water but not like a faucet splashing water in the sink.  As I adjust my eyes to the darkness I can’t believe what I am seeing. Ralph’s friend is standing up and peeing on the Lazboy chair about 8 feet away. I am caught off guard and I call out his name but he doesn’t appear to answer and at this point it appears his bladder is done. I can’t believe what I had just seen and with 2 hours left of sleeping before we get up I am not sure what to do. Either go back to sleep or be the next piece of furniture to get pee’d on!

I opted for option #2. I lay on the sofa with my eyes towards Ralph’s friend’s bedroom making sure he doesn’t have another urge to go again.

Well before I know it, its time to get up for the another day of hunting.  I am the only one getting up for the days hunt.  The others are deep in sleep and hungover.  I open the door to Ralph’s room and tell him to avoid the Lazboy as his buddy peed on it.  He says “what” but doesn’t comprehend and goes back to sleep.  I am off for the days hunt myself. 

When I return about 5 hours later for lunch I see my buddy Ralph sitting in that chair.  Staring at him I asked him if he remembered what I said about that chair?  He says, “no” I then tell him to feel his left leg which should be a little damp.  By that point I am laughing about it and telling others what I witnessed last night.  Ralph’s friend can’t believe it but said he tends to sleep walk after a night of hard drinking.  As my buddy decides what to do with the chair I simply laugh and say it can only happen at deer camp!